At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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