..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
