I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
