idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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