Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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