She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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