I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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