Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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