I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
