Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
