Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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