PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
