Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
