Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize