Hey man sorry I got all grabby
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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