Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
