This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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