apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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