Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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