my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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