well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
