Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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