You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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