I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
