your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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