I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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