This girl is more easily done than said...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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