i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
