This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
