She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
