Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize