Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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