i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize