apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
