omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
