Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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