can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
