Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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