Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
