I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
