I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
