My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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