Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
