I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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