is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
