apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
