I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
