I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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