Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
