I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
