how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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