dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
