forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
