you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
