i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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