i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
