Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
