Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
