please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
