I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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